This is here as much to answer my own questions of "Why did I do this?" and "Why did it turn out as it did?" as it is to explain this to others. I find that I explain events in my life better as I write them down. Writing causes me to think about the events in more depth than I normally would. There's definitely an effect of satisfaction and substantiaton that comes with visualizing your life in words. I'll never forget these events now, nor will they develop through the years into a mangled and stylized version of the truth. As much as this is for me, it is for my friends, too, so that they may better understand who I am. I tend to be evasive in conversation, worried what effect the baring of my self would have on my friendships. For some reason, this method of expression eschews those fears for me.

Less important to me, but perhaps more important to the reader, I wrote to show the development of myself as a gay man as I emerged from feigned heterosexuality. This is not some fictional account that incorporates fantasy to create the perfect happiness or the perfect angst. This is real, as boring or exciting as that may make it. This is the account of the events and experiences that have defined my life as a gay man.